In love with love

ok, so still no comments huh? did anyone even notice that i've been MIA for awhile? no? ah well. i'm not that important i guess. yet still i blog...i guess its just the idea that maybe someone, anyone out there may be interested in listening to my eccentric ramblings that normally just stay confined inside my head or inside a journal. so this is basically an online journal. its good for me to write this whether or not anyone ever reads it or not. so back to the topic at hand: L O V E
i am in love with the idea of love. i'm in love with the idea of falling in love, being in love, just having someone to love and to love you in return. its like that song nature boy goes "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." i so so so soooo believe that. i had love once. i mean i've fallen in love many many times with many unworthy people who weren't in love with me. but falling in love is one thing, what about when you stay there? i had a love that i fell into immediately, and i remained in love and remain in love still. why are we not together you ask? if you haven't read any of my previous blogs or don't know the eccentric poet personally then you may be wondering... what happened? well, God knows i am sorry to say that my true love aka the love of my life aka my reason to breathe aka my soulmate and kindred spirit passed away. my true love is an angel now. so needless to say its a looooooong distance relationship. =) i'm still in love with him, but i need a love to pass the time until i can meet my true love at Heaven's gate. i know for a fact, believe me its a fact, that my soul mate wants me to move on with my life and find love again and get married and be successful and be happy. so that brings us to where i am tonite. i am in love with being in love. i want to find a new love so badly. i always knew that i was blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my soul mate, but i never quite understood just how bad it is out here in the world searching for love, especially when you know what true love is. i know what real, true love is now and i'm searching for it. there are so many stupid, ignorant, wastes of time in the world. why can't people just be straight with you and not promise things they have no intentions of delivering or making good on? see previous post "insincere dudes" . anyway, as much as i want to be with just anyone who can give me attention and affection, i can't do that. i know what love is now, i refuse to disrespect myself by going back to the imitation love after i've been spoiled by real love. not to mention how disrespectful that would be to my baby (r.i.p.), he taught me that i deserved real true love. how could i disappoint and disrespect him by going from him, to any piece of shit off the street? i know he's not around to be disappointed but i know how he would feel if he knew and i refuse to do that. call me crazy. people think i'm strange because i still refer to my soulmate in the present tense. i speak of him like he's around and i still try to live according to how he would feel about me and my choices. that may seem extreme and strange and maybe even unhealthy to some, but its me. and i'm gonna do me damnit and i DARE someone to even try to speak to me about anything involving my love for my deceased husband or my actions involving his memory. those of you who know me already know, that is one thing i do NOT play with. I WILL FUCK ANYBODY UP WHO HAS THE AUDACITY TO SPEAK NEGATIVELY ON MY HUSBAND, THE MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND, AND ANYTHING I DO TO HONOR HIM AND HIS MEMORY, and I WILL HAVE NO REGRETS OR HESITATION ABOUT THAT. BELIEVE THAT IF YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE I EVER SAY. you can believe that one for sure. fo sho tho =) just to let you know a lil about how the eccentric poet thinks. i feel like ll cool j back in the day.... i need love. sigh......well, thanx for listening, i mean reading, if any of you who actually read my stuff exist out there. good lookin' out!