Tuesday, August 01, 2006

its been awhile

hey ya'll.... it's been awhile...i love that song from staind, don't you? unfortunately, i don't have much to update you on. uh i guess that's kind of a lie. a lot of wild crazy shit happened on my two month road trip with my parents. i have the craziest yet coolest family in the world. i did learn a lot ths summer th0ugh. i learned not to put people on pedeatals no matter how close you are to them. i love my cousins, i mean, i LOVE my cousins. we're a wild bunch. i have more cousins then i could count. literally! my family is a relatively close family and we look out for each other. our family is like the black southern mafia... without the killing of course. we don't take it well when anyone messes with our family. we're a well liked and very respected family. what i really don't like about my family is that they stick to what they believe is right regardless of what anyone else thinks, they're very narrow minded. if one family member goes in a direction the others don't approve of, they're damn near ostricized. i hate that shit. it's just not fair. so many a cousin, including me, has been exiled from the fam for a while, its almost like a rite of passage in our fam. get a boyfriend no one likes, you're out!! want to move in with your mate before marriage? you're outta there!! get married without telling the whole fam... you're really outta there. anyway, because of the stubborness of the brothers and sisters aka our aunts and uncles, the cousins have all been close and formed tight bonds dictated by age group and/or generation. i have a cousin who i considered to be my closest female cousin, i'll call her girl. Girl has always been the black sheep of our family because she was always into a lot of trouble and was/is excessively boy crazy. i have always been the number one person to stick up for her. i was always in her corner regardless of whatever she was doing. i had always looked up to her. this summer while visiting her, i got to see a man that i had met last summer and had a little thing with him. i planned to pick up where i left off last year with him, and she helped make that possible. well me and this man became very close and spent a lot of time together. he informs me, albeit reluctantly, that he and girl had sex after we met last year. he also informed me that they had an actual six month relationship. needless to say i was shocked, very hurt, and even a little repulsed by that. i never would have messed with anyone that my cousin had been with or liked. i couldn't believe that girl neglected to tell me about this especially since she helped me see this man. so this man goes on to tell me that girl got with him because she thought she could have something that i wanted since she lived close to him and i live in cali. she told him she was turned on by the fact that she could have something i couldn't. how cold is that shit? so it was a calculated move. the man told me that he fell for her but always felt that they should tell me about them. he said that she wanted to keep it secret. he said after he saw how cold a person she was they broke up. he felt that he had to tell me because he cared about me and hated that i was in the dark, especially seeing how much i loved and respected girl. i know he's not lying, but i'm just devestated. i would've taken a bullet for girl. i would've done anything for her because i love her that much. i thought she loved me that much too. i am just so hurt by that. i've always known that she was a liar and manipulater, but i always thought i was exempt. that was naive and stupid of me. i've learned my lesson about that now. my second closest female cousin, i'll call her shorty, also disappointed me this year. we went to go see some friends of hers and it was fun and cool until i was put in a very scary and uncomfortable position with a bunch of guys i didn't know. they were drunk and belligerent and thank God i wasn't hurt or anything, but it was definitely a situation where things could've gotten a lot worse. i could've been attacked or raped in the type of situation i was in. i'm very hurt by shorty because she put me in that situation, didn't check on me to see if i was okay and then she made me seem unresonable for not wanting to show my breasts to a bunch of strange drunk men. i felt like she should've had my back,PERIOD. so everyone has fallen off those pedestals. oh well, i've learned my lesson about not thinkiing that those close to me could hurt me and thinking that i know people enough to always trust them with my life and safety. now the only people i trust with my life are myself, my parents, maybe a few other family members. i still have some fam who are bout it bout it and would never let any harm come my way. above all, it was a fun summer and i had a great trip, just unbelievable. i know this summer will continue to be fun especially since i'm back home in beautiful southern califor-ni-A! til next time ya'll, peace.........


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